“My feet will follow.”  This doesn’t make any sense to me¹ .  “My feet will follow.”  Our dance instructor Jose says its true, eventually.  “Use your center,” he says, “to create a movement and establish direction.  Lead with your center.  Your feet will follow.”  And so will your partner.  Really?

My feet do not follow.  Neither does my partner.  They’re not paying attention to my center.  Actually, I’m not either.  Where is my “center” anyway?  What is my “center”?  For a dancer, the center — according to Jose — is the center of my torso.  This is a physical location from which I should lead.  When I turn my center, the rest (my feet and my wife) should follow.  Could it be that easy?  Ask my wife…

I Am Obsessed With The Details Of Moving My Feet

We were having a lesson the other day and I was frustrated because I was making a lot of mistakes with my feet.  Too many steps, not enough steps, stepping in the wrong direction or at the wrong time.  Sometimes I step too far or not far enough.  I am obsessed with the details of my feet.  In my mind I say, if I want to dance correctly I must move my feet correctly.  That’s dancing, I say.  I dance with my feet!

Dance with your center.  Lead with your center.  On the dance floor and in a good conversation.

Too often I become obsessed with the details of a dance , and a conversation.  This is a mistake because I miss the point.  You’ve heard this…I missed the forest for the trees…or something like that.  A good conversation is not about the details.  It’s about our purpose.  Why are we talking, where are we going, and are enjoying the conversation together?  

Expect To Turn About

When I become obsessed with the details of a conversation I soon care more about its accuracy (read, “Am I right or is she right?”) and less about working together to get to a better place.  To converse means inherently that we must expect to “turn about” together.  This means that along the way — in the dance or conversation – I might lose my place or my sense of direction or my sense of correctness….hmm.  The devil is in the details…?

In a good conversation I must expect to turn about.  In a good conversation I might even enjoy the turn about.  To lead with my center in a good conversation means I will care less about the details, correct or otherwise.  The details will follow, like my feet. 

To lead with my center in a good conversation means I will care more about you and less about being right.  To lead with my center in a good conversation means I might find myself following, or leading no one because we disagree.   And what I might learn is that when dancing or conversing, if I lead with my center, whether my feet follow or not, I will still enjoy the dance.  I will still enjoy you.

© Copyright by Jeffrey Y. Harlow, Ph.D (2009).

1. When it comes to dancing, nothing makes sense to me, except that I am not a very good dancer.  I enjoy it, though.  Like a good conversation, dancing is exhilarating.  I began this conversation about dance in Doubt, Dancing, And A Good Conversation.